..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
