We named our party play list daddy issues
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
