fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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