I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
