It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
