Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
