only you would photoshop your dick
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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