I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
