he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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