"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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