God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize