I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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