ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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