Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
My butt remains clenched, sir.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
