I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Randomize
