The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
