dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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