Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
