My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
