shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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