Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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