watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
