I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
false alarm, still single
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
