and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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