Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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