After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
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One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
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I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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