i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I am available for nakedness
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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