I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
