Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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