Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
