he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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