It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
