My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
It's like God shit irony all over that family
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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