I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
