oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize