I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
