Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
