Already got asked if we're dating
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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