Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
