Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
