I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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