btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize