they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
So much rum. So many feels.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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