the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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