haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
