The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
