we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
