Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Pooping to opera.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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