It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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