I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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