Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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