he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Randomize
