Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
