We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
