I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
