Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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