the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
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Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
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Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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