Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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