Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
