I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
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