it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
