I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Quick, to the slutcave!
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
