At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Randomize
