I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
